1 photo of yourself

this doesn't look like me. probably becaus my eyeliner died or something.
And if your asking, i dipdyed my fringe. if your not, then i didn't..

Morbidity apologies

the comfort i seek and achieve on the basis that: i'm failing at everything. MO-FUCKING WIN.
what the fuck is the point? everything is a downard spiral.
school is discusting. i'm a slacker. i'll admit it. procratination is my middle name, but if you think this is a life style choice.. then fuck off.
motivation is rare and sparce.
falling behind is so easy. homework not done, what damage will missing one lesson do? coupled with 2 health/ medical events that put me into so much pain and also embarrasment, discomfort and body image dislike, left me hardly tempted to leave my bedroom, even during snow.
and then shabby attendance anyway. left me with a shit hole filled of shit. and im working on it. tomorrrow i will have gone to school everyday for 3 weeks. for 2 weeks now ive attended every single lesson. this is a an achievement for me. i know it is the norm expected of everyone, but standards slip. so i'm trying my best, and all i get is fuck all. im trying so hard but no one cares to even fucking acknoledge it. and they just pile more. why the fuck do we even bother?
the life cycle sucks. get born, get an education, get to uni, get a good job, get a family, get and retire, get dead.
surely there must be more than this? is it asking for too much? i look at adults now and wonder if there actually happy. is that actually what they want? or are they just doing so because its expected of them, its what there qualified. I look at my family in dismay. as far as im concerned nothing has turned out right anymore.I cant really envisage that my dad wanted to end up having to be the bone structure of my family, caring for my mum, holding my sister together, this cant possibly be what he wanted all along. why would anyone want that much responsibility.
detachment. it not because you dont care, its because its the only way you can handle it.
i dont even know what im living for.

2 songs

just 2 songs..? ugh...

1. Jerk it out- the Caesars
2. cant decide... Afghhgghhg ermmm trash the rental- crystal castles

3 Films

for the moment (cos these will change..)
1. The Wackness
2. Despicable Me
3. Easy A

4 books

was looking forward to this one, i'm sure easier than the others.

1. just in Case
2. Love Machine
3. Eve Green
4. Artsits' Jornals and Sketchbooks (not fiction but quite inspiring/all else i could think of was harryp not cool.)

5 foods

1. Potato (mashed/roasted/deep fried/baked..etc)
2. gravy
3. chocolate
4. cheese
5. MEAT

alcohol doesn't count as food though right?

write that fucking dissertation..
I'm so tired.
and i am worried i'm developing that thing where you dream nightmares/unplesant dreams every time you sleep. I'll stop sleeping when that happens.

6 places

1.Peru
2.Las Vegas
3.St Lucia
4.Ptown again
5.Turkey
6.Iceland again

7 wants

i;m going to find this really hard, ideally:
1.to get into camberwell
2.to get into camberwell
3.to get into camberwell
4.to get into camberwell... you get the picture.


1. to get into Camberwell
2. my mum back
3. my sanity..to enjoy things again
4. an exciting life
5. success and achievement and amazing expiences
6. the right decision of what i want to do in career/life
7. be independant

8 Fears

1. dying
2. failing my a-levels, and also at life..
3. moving house
4. losing things
5. not getting into Camberwell
6. Miss Cavangar
7. the future
8. people i suspect that are capable of rape, abduction, murder. etc while on my way home at night.