Monday 13 September 2010

confession?


Im impatient, things must come faster, i crave attention to an extend, yet attempt it (in a hopefully discrete way)
i hate being ignored, dont ignore me. i hate being left out. being left out is like the bain of my life. it bugs me to no measuable extent. i have an incredibly short attention span. I get very stressed very easily.the only way to ease it is to live half conicously.. throw half an eye at things.
since year 10 or so i feel i have only put in half the effort, only pulled my weight to a certain extent.
i am just living slyly on the edge waiting for someone to identifty my half heartedness. im yet to be discovered.
I get verry nervous very easily, like so nervous i feel sick, its stupid. have to tell your self to calm the fuck down.
I hate speaking aloud at school when the teachers pick on you. like a constant fear of being humiliated.from all my teachers, most of my life, the comments are "she's very quiet, she should try and participate in the lesson more"
i always attempt to pretend to do the work, i dont do it though, i bunk homeworks all the time and all my school life i've only had about 1 actual detention, i manage to snake away from teachers anger some how. something to do with being 5'2 and shy in class, no?
well it works anyway.
i bare grudges, i doont forgive but i also forgive very easily. im likely to backstab, if i didnt, how else would i keep this frame of innocence..
im quiet alot of the time, dont think it is bacause i have nothing to say, yet if you know me well i can become rather loud.
i find it hard to switch off.
i have volient tendencies..yeaah. im not a nice person.

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