confession?

Im impatient, things must come faster, i crave attention to an extend, yet attempt it (in a hopefully discrete way)
i hate being ignored, dont ignore me. i hate being left out. being left out is like the bain of my life. it bugs me to no measuable extent. i have an incredibly short attention span. I get very stressed very easily.the only way to ease it is to live half conicously.. throw half an eye at things.
since year 10 or so i feel i have only put in half the effort, only pulled my weight to a certain extent.
i am just living slyly on the edge waiting for someone to identifty my half heartedness. im yet to be discovered.
I get verry nervous very easily, like so nervous i feel sick, its stupid. have to tell your self to calm the fuck down.
I hate speaking aloud at school when the teachers pick on you. like a constant fear of being humiliated.from all my teachers, most of my life, the comments are "she's very quiet, she should try and participate in the lesson more"
i always attempt to pretend to do the work, i dont do it though, i bunk homeworks all the time and all my school life i've only had about 1 actual detention, i manage to snake away from teachers anger some how. something to do with being 5'2 and shy in class, no?
well it works anyway.
i bare grudges, i doont forgive but i also forgive very easily. im likely to backstab, if i didnt, how else would i keep this frame of innocence..
im quiet alot of the time, dont think it is bacause i have nothing to say, yet if you know me well i can become rather loud.
i find it hard to switch off.
i have volient tendencies..yeaah. im not a nice person.

Im listening to the Contours While eating Chicken nuggets :)

ah! my exams are over! and i have a week off from school. i flunked my exam, but i dont really care right now. i can worry about it later!
and yes, i am blogging! for once! god i have missed not having anything better to do with my time. i literally dont have to do anything! i havnt felt so responsibility free since last summer with the massive GCSE study leave break.
and i am feeling bare happy right now. maybe its that i am no longer trying to cram rubbish i dont understand into my brain, maybe its cos my Wreck this Journal just came with my next day delivery from amazon! and its abserlutely pouring :D i forgot how happy rain can make me sometimes. i dont need to listen to music. i am just enjoying the sound it makes as it patters on my roof :)
oh dear, it sounds like i've floated off to lala land..

yah. it was half term last week, was a welcome break. pissed around the whole week tho, COMPLETE REVISION FAIL HAha..!
had a lovely drunken cotch on friday afternoon that involved paddling pools and singsongs, then i went to Gorden Ramsays Resturant with my family as a late birthday dinner for me and my sister.. was actually too awesum!
yeah.. im going to blog about food im afraid!
when we first got there they offered us avacardo and lobster canapes.. they were like in mini ice cream cones.. but i like neither of these so refused this and they offered me just a avacardo one haha they were nice waiters hah
then, pesto and ricotta between two potato chips..which is butters also but i dont like pesto..
so at this point i was like... actualfuckthissuckswhyamihereimnotposhenoughtobeherehelp

and then they served us this appitiser and i saw the caviar and prawnyness and was like fuck off im not eating that. but parents ecouraged me and the yellow liquid was like tomato soup.. really really good.. i left all the nasty crap though..
aand then the starters wasw an option between pigs trotters and tuna.. i had the pig, sounds discusting i know, but omg looked amazing and tasted even better..

JUST LOOK HOW BUFF YAH!
then i had beef cooked to fucking perfection which potato and ox cheek..yeah i ate ox cheek. i did refuse to eat that too initally..but it was buff.
got so caught up in excitement that i forgot to take a photo..
then pudding, i ordered a "granny smith parfit with blackberry foam and honeycomb sheets with cider ice cream" sound noming or what?
then they served us a pineapple and coconut soup, i like neither of these as well but it was so delicious! and it had popping candy in it xD


this is my epic desert, and FUCK IT WAS SO FUCKING BUFF LIKE THE BUFFEST EVER OMG NO JOKE...

rest of the famalams pudding.

ermmm im bored. to be continued!